June 29, 2009
  • [Boss and I are working in an open plan office]
  • Boss: Hey! Are you on Facebook? Did you see my most recent update?
  • Me: No, I just logged off.
  • Boss: Well log back on and check it out.
  • Facebook: Boss is admiring ____ (me) from across the room and thinks she has thighs to die for.
  • Me: Uhhh, I think thats sexual harassment, and I'm not very comfortable.
  • Boss: How could that be sexual harassment? I didn't even say anything!
  • Background: I live in England and I just came back from Canada attending my grandmother and step-grandfather's unexpected funerals.
  • Boss: Ah, I can tell you were just at home!
  • Me: Oh really? How?
  • Boss: You've got a bit of a spare tire from that home cooking.
  • Me: ....
  • Boss: Oh! But I only say that cause normally you're really fit (hot).
June 16, 2009
  • Background: I am the only nonwhite person in the office. Theeeeeee onnnnnly onnnnnne.
  • [Boss comes and sits on my desk]
  • Boss: [whispers] I think you'll find that when I'm done hiring this new editorial assistant, you'll be pretty happy to have someone else who looks like you around.
  • Me: blank aghast stare
  • Boss: [grabs my wrists, shakes them back and forth joyfully] Another-brown-person-in-the-office!
May 30, 2009
  • Me: Sarah Palin said she didn't know Africa was a continent!
  • Boss: Africa is a continent?!
  • This was followed by me trying (in vain) to explain all the different continents to her. However, the North America /South America part confused her too much... she thought that I meant the South American countries were part of the U.S.
My boss called in today, around noon, and said: I’m working from the beach office today. I really think I’ll get more done this way.
  • Me: My godmother has passed away, and I am going to need to leave a little early on Thursday in order to make it to the wake. I'll also be a little late getting in on Friday, since the funeral is in the morning.
  • My boss: Well, how close were you to this person? You can't just take off of work every time someone dies.

My boss just asked “Do you know how to do snail mail?”


I don’t know if he thinks people my age only know how to communicate through email or just that I’m really stupid.

April 26, 2009
“ Everywhere I go, people love me!
My boss, during a long, rambling tirade about how she tries to do good whenever she can.
  • Me: I'm going to need to take two days off. My step-dad just had his third heart attack in two weeks, and I need to go home to be with my mom while they sort through this.
  • My boss: Don't you think you should wait until you know whether he is actually going to die before you take time out of the office?
April 20, 2009

My ex-boss was the absolute queen of inappropriate banter. We once went to interview a male client who was the largest importer of fresh fruits on the island, the most popular of which being banana’s. The entire interview went without a glitch when towards the end my boss decides to end on a humorous note with, “It’s been great speaking with you, although I must admit that before I came I was hoping to at least get a taste of your banana if not a proper shake!”

Another time we went to interview the CEO (male) of an airline, and again my boss manages to put foot in mouth with the concluding statement, “Well I guess we’ve got all the info we need, however let us now move on to more pressing matters - when can I ride your shaft?”

I’m pretty certain she meant craft as in aircraft.