Things My Boss Has Said

2009

December
November
October 3
September
August 4
July 2
June 3
May 4
April 7
March 5
February 4
January 6

2008

December 6
November 8
October 2
September 14
August 4
July 6
June 49
May
April
March
February
January

Email my boss just sent:

Since we are all adults here I am disgusted that I have to send this email.  When you use the...
Nov 30th
“Whenever people say sexy things, I usually have to Google it...”
—  my boss
Nov 18th
Setting: Nice, formal business lunch with a client we have just met.
Me (to client): I need a good night sleep to be productive.
Client: Me too! My husband snores and it can ruin my night.
My boss: I used to snore when I did a ton of coke.
Me: FOOD'S HERE!
Nov 18th
At a conference, my coworkers, my boss, and I went to a late dinner at a bar and grill. I...
Nov 18th
Boss: Do you know anything about [really technical thing that I would have had no way of ever having experience with]?
Me: What!?! (Imagine look of total shock and fear that I was about to be assigned to handle something immediately that most people take months of education or training before handling.)
Boss: Hahahaha!!! Your face just looked like I asked if you were pregnant.
Nov 17th
Ladyboss: What's that on your nose?
Me: I believe it's classically known as a zit that I don't want to talk about.
Ladyboss: Awww, you still get those? It's okay. I have a cyst in-between two moles on my back.
Me: Yikes!
[Me, thinking: Really, woman? Really? I had an endless nightmare last night that a tiger was chasing me through my childhood home and then I woke up with my period, which is so stupid and Psychology 101 and Madonna-y that I want to weep, but I would I ever, EVER tell you something like that? No!]
Nov 15th

When you care enough

It was a co-worker’s last day, and my boss said, “Let’s order Thai lunch to see...
Nov 11th
Boss: Order me some paper samples so I can see which ones don't smudge.
I ordered it that very day, and it came in the next day. I put it on his chair so he would be sure to see it.
WEEKS LATER
Boss: Where's that sample paper you ordered for me?
After digging through huge pile of papers I found the nicely packaged sample pack of paper, that clearly states at the top that it is a sample pack of paper.
Boss: Why didn't you put a note on there telling me what it was.
Me: I pointed out where it said "Sample Pack" at the top.
Boss (yelling!) I DON'T READ.
Nov 3rd