My boss, to me, while I am on the phone
Boss: "Can you arrange the pick up and delivery of the vintage pinball machines I just bought."
Me: "Uh, sure. Where are they?"
Boss: "You have to check my eBay account."
Me, checking eBay to find that boss has been bidding on (and winning) vintage pinball machines all morning and they are scattered across the country. Yes, you read that right. Vintage. Pinball. Machines. This was a year ago and one is still out there somewhere.
Jun 22nd
Me: So I think we can keep this sentence if we cut—
Junior Boss: Wait, hold on, I'm looking at your profile.
Me: Erroo?
Junior Boss: Turn to the left a little, will you?
Me: I feel like a prize pig.
Junior Boss: Pigs are pink and you're brown*. [Giggles] But you know what? I just noticed, you're going to be beautiful when you grow older. Seriously, in like 30-35 years, when you're 50**, you are just going to grow into that face of yours and you are going to be gorgeous. Just wait it out.
Me: Golly, thanks!
Junior Boss: You're welcome. Take it from me. When I was 20 I had hair down to my ass and I posed nude for Vogue. Vogue Quebec.
*I am Indian.
*I am also 25.
Jun 19th
Award Winning Designer: "So you want a graduation themed postcard. I'll need to look at stock imagery for this one, given the deadline."
Underqualified Marketing Director: "Can you please use free imagery?"
Award Winning Designer: "I can, but it will suck."
Underqualified Marketing Director: "Well, stick to free for now."
3 days later, showing sucky comps of lame, cliched graduation themed postcard:
Underqualified Marketing Director: "I'm not loving these..."
Award Winning Designer: "You mean, they suck? Like I said they would?"
Underqualified Marketing Director: (rolls eyes) "Just do your job."
Jun 19th
Boss: So, it was nice of you to come to that client party last night. I hear you've gained a new admirer.
Me: Oh yeah? Who?
Boss: the client's daughter
Me: her? She's in high school.
Boss: She's eighteen you know. Turned eighteen last month, so, you know, everything would be, you know, OK.
Me: um…
Boss: And I hear she doesn't have a date to the high school prom next week.
Me: um…
Boss: so? What do you think? Will you go? To the prom?
Me: (a) I'm not interested. (b) I'm twenty six years old. (c) I'm not going to any fucking prom.
Boss: …
Me: Also, I'm seeing someone right now.
Boss: OK. I'll tell her you would have been happy to go but you're seeing someone right now.
Me: That's not what I said.
Boss: That's fine. I'll just let her know that you're seeing someone right now but you thought she was attractive.
Me: WTF?!?!?!
Jun 18th
Award-winning Designer: "Hey, for the internal website, I was thinking more color and happier than our general brand. Does that work for you?"
Underqualified Marketing Director: "Sounds great!"
3 days later, showing comps featuring the brand palette, used in a muted, yet friendly way:
Underqualified Marketing Director: "I see that you've used all the brand colors on our internal website. We can't have so much color!"
Award-Winning Designer: "O.... K...."
Jun 18th