Things My Boss Has Said

An e-mail from boss's colleague in...

I would like to introduce you all to [REDACTED].  She starts with us in August.  She lives in Sydney...

My Boss's Boss: Hi there, I know we haven't officially met...
Me (extending my hand): Very nice to meet you.
My Boss's Boss (interrupting): The toilet is overflowing in the ladies room. I didn't know who else to tell.

I am a copyeditor.  This morning I received an email from my boss, with a list of the going rates...

I’ve been at my job for 8 years, and today is my last day here.  I was thrown a going away...

My boss: "I blame you for this, you know?"
Me: "Wait... I was out sick that day!"
My boss: "Perhaps. This will teach you not be sick, won't it?"

Conversation at an alt weekly

Me: The statistic was 'a 75% rate of incarceration among area men' but you changed my copy to say 'a 75% rate of incarceration among area BLACK men.'
Editor: I thought that's what you meant.
Me: I was quoting a statistic.
Editor: Do you think we should run a correction?
Me: Nah. If anyone bothers to look it up, they'll just think I'm racist.
(I outlasted her at the paper, incidentally)