Things My Boss Has Said

“Everywhere I go, people love me!”
— My boss, during a long,...

Me: I'm going to need to take two days off. My step-dad just had his third heart attack in two weeks, and I need to go home to be with my mom while they sort through this.
My boss: Don't you think you should wait until you know whether he is actually going to die before you take time out of the office?

My ex-boss was the absolute queen of inappropriate banter. We once went to interview a male client...

I am not sure if this qualifies since my boss did not actually speak, but I felt it worth sharing...

At the last office where I worked we kept a pretty well-stocked kitchen: Star Crunch, Oatmeal Creme...

She's a co-worker, not a boss, but she does have an office and I have a cube. She codes our benefit charges based on which office (we have 7) the person is located.
ME: My boss would like you to put these ex-employees receiving COBRA by their original office, not under corporate.
HER: Well, for some of them I can't, like John Doe, he hasn't worked here since last year.
*Silence*
ME: Well then let's just put him in the office he was located in when he was here.

My boss is paying for me to learn a foreign language, which I am then teaching to him. One Friday I...